Hope

"For hope, contrary to popular belief, is tantamount to resignation. And to live is not to be resigned." Albert Camus, Summer in Algiers

I've thought a great deal about that word hope since reading that line and it resonates strongly with me. We often find ourselves sitting still and hoping for this and that rather than actively working toward change.

I have also followed Leroy Sievers' blog "My Cancer" for quite some time now. He has stage four cancer, and has been through more treatment than I believe I would have the courage to try. Today I read this:

Did it work? Did the radiation I had last week do what it was supposed to do? I don't know. I can't tell. At least, not yet.

The radiation on my brain is a long-term thing. Our goal there was to slow down any tumor growth and prevent any new problems. If there are side effects, they'd show up in about three years or so. Needless to say, not something I need to worry about.

My pelvis, and the pain there, is still the main thing I have to worry about. The hope was that the radiation would heal some of the fractures caused by the cancer, and kill some nerve cells to lessen the pain.

Honestly, I can't tell if it is working or not. I'm trying to be patient, because it was supposed to take a couple of days before any effect would be noticeable. But I still have pain there as I write this. The same? More? Less? I honestly can't tell.

I guess patience really is the key to this. Whatever improvement I get, I will be grateful for. If things stay the same as they were -- well, I haven't lost anything that way, either.

That's the way it goes in Cancer World. You take your best shot, hope for good results, and live with what happens.

I can do that.

I understand hope in the context of life and death matters; in places where we need patience, courage, and relief; where what we seek is mercy pure and simple.

In that case, hope delivers life.