Fear/Joy

For the last few days my fear has acted as an unruly barrier to my joy. I've found myself grouchy, temperamental, unpleasant, and at times even inconsolable. Only in the moments of work when my counsel has been useful have I felt any sense of my joy. Fortunately, things are very busy at work and an hour or two there buries the fear.

But it comes back...It sneaks back in the restful hours of the evening when I'm trying to plan my weekend, when I'm asking myself, "What should I do?"

I have no answers and that is scary to me. I am weighing staying and going, but neither seems like the right choice. I am not in harmony even with what I want to do...which is to stay home and ignore the whole situation. But even then, there's a part of me that believes there is no getting away...there is no hiding...there is no respite.

Not until I deal with it one-on-one, call it by its name and demand it go away.

There is too much at risk if I don't deal with my fear...but I know that my joy will wait patiently while the fear will run amok until I get it under control.