So, I had a stroke... at such a young age that they are looking for causes.  No lasting impacts, but still there is the concern about why.  The stress I've been under for the last many years may be the cause or may simply compounded whatever neurological issues are going on with me.  Once I am a bit better, I am going to the police station to report the person who tried to run me down in the parking lot and initiate a restraining order.

For now, I will sit in my lovely back yard on a gorgeous day and watch the dogs play amidst the falling flowers from my oak tree.

Life is alright.

PTSD settles in and makes its nest in my Home

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..

June 9, 2009

Texas Department of Criminal Justice, Parole Division
c/o Angela McCown, Director
Victim Services Division
8712 Shoal Creek Blvd., Suite 265
Austin, TX 78757-6899

Re: Offender Donald Renard McWilliam, TDCJ ID: 00566921

Dear Ms. McCown and the TDCJ Parole Board,

I am writing in regard to the parole application for Donald Renard McWilliam. 

On August 23, 1989, Mr. McWilliam brutally murdered Kathy Lynn Alley. He broke in to her house, waited for her to come home from work and attacked her. He stole her car and her jewelry and bragged to his cousin who lived nearby in the same gated condominium complex that he “shot [and maybe killed] that white bitch.” Kathy called 911 and remained alert long enough to clearly identify her assailant to an officer at the hospital. She died in the hospital during emergency surgery to treat multiple gunshot wounds. Her words were so profound and from such a place of truth that they served to aid in Mr. McWilliam’s conviction. Kathy was buried 3 days later on her 33rd birthday. 

I respectfully request that Donald Renard McWilliam’s parole be denied.

Although I did not know Kathy prior to her murder, I feel like I know her very well. I am writing on behalf of my husband, Michael Angelo Salva, who was her long-time fiancée prior to her death. I was Michael’s love and partner during the last 7 years of his life. Michael carried the burden of her murder in his heart until he committed suicide on October 22, 2007, three days before his 58th birthday. 

Michael was the oldest of 11 children and the primary caretaker of his siblings. Michael’s father had taken a traveling job and his mother was unable to handle the care of the children by herself, so Michael was burdened with the responsibility of their care from the age of 4. As years passed, the family grew and his responsibilities grew with them. When he graduated from high school with honors and with national records in track and field he left home, went to college and became successful engineer working all over the Americas in the oil industry. He later became the vice president of energy lending at a leading bank in Texas. This was the position he held at the time of Kathy’s murder.

Although he lived far away from his family, Michael was the caretaker of his siblings throughout much of the first 40 years of his life. He remained so until his severe emotional breakdown following Kathy’s murder. According to the best minds in psychiatry, including the Chief of Psychiatry at The Cleveland Clinic, Dr. George Tesar, diagnosis was difficult as his illness was compounded by some type of personality disorder arising from his lack of a childhood freedom and childlike learning experiences. He had no ability to transcend the imperfections of life, let alone a violent act such as the murder of his love. The shock of the brutal murder compounded by the effects of his childhood resulted in a very difficult case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and depression. Any exacerbation of his condition – anything that frightened him – caused him to become immediately fearful and psychotic and his illness always presented with suicidal ideation. He felt responsible for Kathy’s murder just as he had been responsible for everything that was amiss in his childhood; this violence was unfathomable – he was inconsolable; unreachable. He once described himself as “a wounded antelope being hunted by a pride of lions.”

Immediately following Kathy’s murder, Michael spent 4 years in intensive treatment for his illness. As I understand it, he would seem “fine” for a few years, and there would be a triggering event and he would end up back in the hospital, on medical disability for an extended period of time and eventually make his way back to functionality. But, as anyone who has dealt with life long psychiatric illness knows, as this cycle repeats and it includes depression, there are physical impacts that take a toll on the patient’s long term ability to recover. 

In November 2003, Michael received notice that Donald Renard McWilliams would be eligible for parole for the first time during his incarceration for Kathy Alley’s murder. Michael composed drafts of his victim impact letter over and over between November 2003 and April 2004. He was never truly able to share the impact of this murder on his life with the TDCJ parole board. To him, the impact was the loss of a beautiful life. To me, the impact was the loss of two beautiful lives. He was a sweet and loving man. She was a sweet and loving woman.

During those few months in late 2003 to early 2004, the PTSD-suicide spiral wound itself up again. Between April 2004 and his death nearly four years later, he was hospitalized 9 times for psychosis, depression and/or suicide attempts. Most of the time, he did not leave a suicide note. When he did write a note, he expressed continuing great sorrow and an irrational sense of responsibility for the brutal way his love Kathy was murdered. He wished he could have been there to defend her, to save her, or to have his life taken instead of hers. About three years prior to his death, he left a note for me on the computer, but it simply stated how much he loved me and how tired he was.

Michael’s 10th emergency trip during this time was different. It was a visit to Dr. Balraj at the Cuyahoga County Coroners Office. He died of his own hand, in our garage of asphyxiation from carbon monoxide. 

Michael Angelo Salva was a victim of the very same violence that took the life of Kathy Lynn Alley. It reached into his life and changed everything that he was; everything that he knew. A victim of childhood violence himself, he did not use this as an excuse for becoming violent or brutal. He internalized the violent act of Kathy’s murder and it resonated within his resulting illness. This eventually destroyed him. That same violence reached into my life and changed everything that I am. 

Michael was cremated on what would have been his 58th birthday.

With immense respect for life, love and beauty; with a strong conviction that violence is not the solution for violence, I am grateful that Mr. McWilliam may live a full life. I believe that from his life we may learn how to better prevent violence. I believe that within his own life he has found a physical place where violence can no longer be a means of pleasure. This is a change since his first parole hearing. In fact, at that time Mr. McWilliam had been in the Texas Department of Corrections for 15 years. He had over 1400 misconduct days on record. 

Today, I spoke with Dawanda at the TDCJ Victim Services desk. She reported that he “has no additional lost days since his parole hearing.” His status has been improved to a State Trustee Class 4 (as opposed to a member of the Disciplinary Class). This is still within the locked and guarded security offered at the TDCJ Stiles Unit prison, but he is making some contribution. He is learning to be a part of a community. I don’t know Mr. McWilliam and I cannot imagine what inspired this change, but I am filled with gratitude that no one else has been harmed by his hand. I am filled with gratitude that he may, in fact, be part of a different kind of community within which understanding him we may search for answers for the rampant violence both inside and outside of those locked doors.

Still, allowing Donald Renard McWilliam to leave prison and reenter general society would indeed put innocent people at risk of being victims of violence. By murdering Kathy Lynn Alley, by being convicted of sexual assault (and two other felonies in addition to this murder), by his behavior during his first 15 years in prison, and by still having very limited prison privileges, TDCJ still believes him to be capable of great violence; he has demonstrated that he is capable of great violence. A quick review of Texas’ Death Row list shows men and women who have perpetrated crimes that are in fact heinous, yet no more heinous than his. Unless proven innocent, they will surely never set a free foot back into society and neither should Mr. McWilliam. 

Donald Renard McWilliam does have a burden to carry as a result of his crimes. He does not need to return to society to repay his debt to society. Mr. McWilliam has no debt to repay to society as there is no payment that would be just; but he does have a debt that can and must be repaid by working with and for his fellow inmates for the full extent of his sentence which may, in fact, be the rest of his life. What he owes is to his peers. What he owes is the understanding and sharing of whatever brought him to this state of greater peace and he owes it to his fellow inmates. Through that he may rehabilitate the life of another man in the hope that neither would ever spill another human being’s blood. Through that, he may touch a life. Through that, he may lead another man to his soul. 

Through that gift Donald Renard McWilliam does positively impact the community of humanity.

Every act of violence resonates deeply through the souls and psyches of everyone connected to the act. This violence is all of us. When one of us dies from the hand of violence all living beings are impacted. 

Based on the crime itself, based on the healing required by everyone touched by the violent murder of Kathy Lynn Alley, based on his violent history in prison and based on the ways in which his life might provide the most value and joy to his community and to our society, I implore you to deny parole to Donald Renard McWilliam.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Respectfully yours,


Elaine Lipman Barnes

while today it is mostly rage
         on another day I will wake up
                         and look at the light


                         and look at you



in a new kind of calm