The "Decider"

It's not so much that I'm the decider, but maybe it's more that I am action oriented.

On October 1st, I found out that my tenants in my Cleveland home were moving to South Carolina.  The house is in a neighborhood that needs attention all of the time and I basically stationed myself there for the remainder of 2010 to "sit with it"  -- to get a feel for the house; to deal with Michael's death and the remnants of his life; to fix the house and most importantly to decide which house I would live in.  I'm not interested in being a landlord.  I just want a peaceful life without worrying about how someone is treating my $300K investment. 

So, I decided I wasn't going to decide...at least not until the end of the year.  But in my way of thinking, by some miracle of life, I should have gained clarity on which decision was the right one during my self-imposed indecisive/nonaction purgatory. 

And purgatory it was.  It nearly put me out of my mind.  I became bitter, neurotic, absent-minded, grouchy, sad and self-pitying.  All behaviors and feelings that cycled back on themselves and resonated with the ugliness of having no plan of action is for me.

And, then, like the miracle itself, the new year came.  2011.  Not only a new year; but, a new decade. If there is a God, he or she or it shone its light on me and said, "There are decisions to be made from a series of good choices."  For the first time in years I had the opportunity to make a decision about where and how I would live -- and completely without external factors forcing a quick decision.

And I decided.  And it is good.