First Week of July

Got my macbook, switched phone companies, hired a house painter, put my Cleveland house on the market, contacted my lawyer, had my car serviced, had my car vandalized, finished my front landscaping, read the paper, paid bills, received rent checks, paid two mortgages, started a new blog, worked on client development, toured a new school with very poorly done masonry, drove to Switzerland (of Ohio)...

I just need to wash the dogs.

Furlough

Here I am in the middle of a Monday afternoon with a dog at my feet and a cat at my side fixing a fresh pot of coffee -- contemplating having no schedule for the day, wondering what the new State budget will hold.

Contemplating.

Thinking about the politics of the job; of the day; of the economy and where I might best serve my community.

It's foggy, for sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Yeah, what's going on?

I don't know. I keep looking at it; I "get" it; I don't understand it.

I don't actually want anything from anyone except to be able to do a really good job providing resources for success, but I don't have the resources (time, primarily) to get the job done. A mediocre job is hardly an option.

"We understand the importance of your job to this agency; we just can't put any more resources to it."

Yeah, well...I'm only one person. I'm one person who is steal healing from significant life trauma...who is still blown away by surprise...

One last ditch effort? Maybe.

A call for help...a cry for assistance. A battle cry. Who's in? Who wants to make this go?

Here Comes the Flood

Nearly thirty years ago, this song struck at the hearts of the "dreamers" who tried to annihilate enemies through war; today I see it as a reflection on the "dreamers" who feel the need to acquire more at the expense of men, women and children; it is an anthem for those who view responsibility through their connectedness with others, with life, with the earth, and with whatever may be their god.

Drink up dreamers, you're running dry.

Good...

Good Food

Good Work

Good Friends

Good Love

Good Learning

Good Drink

Good Life

Discernment...Pull Line and Cut Bait

“Before enlightenment carry water and chop wood. After enlightenment, carry water and chop wood.” Wu Li

Back in the summer of 2006, it was gracefully suggested to me that my purpose between then and the spring of 2009 was developing discernment...this was the last piece of the puzzle that I would need to do my work. Yeah, there were a number of other things first, but in the end, I needed to be very mindful that discernment, for me, was the thing.

So, today, I ask myself...am I practicing discernment in my decisions? In my life choices? What is the foundation of this discernment?

In some ways I see the success; in others, I know that opportunities for practice abound.

Before discernment: observe -- know your heart -- decide; after discernment: observe -- know your heart -- decide.

Spring Yard

2009...my second post...still adjusting to this new life

I spent the weekend clearing the yard of winter's decay. It's my first early spring in this new house. I was surprised and pleased to find moist cool soil that was easily weeded, my two goldfish alive and swimming in my small pond, witch hazel blooming, daffodils peaking out of the ground...I am looking forward to the daily changes of this garden so filled with color and life.

I remember the house in Cleveland. My garden was planted in July 2006. Every morning with cups of coffee and every evening with a glasses of wine, we would survey the changes in the garden and always noticed something. For me, the excitement was in seeing how in just a few short hours there could be substantial change in the plants (I think of the mid-spring asparagus, sometimes growing 6 inches by the end of the day). For Michael, it was being with me, watching me being excited by the garden.

It seemed like such a big thing, this little tradition. I continue the coffee tour and the wine tour in this new space; in this new life.

I carry with me the past that brought me here. Some parts joyful; other parts melancholy. Yet I note: each morning I rise from bed and look deeply at myself and am amazed with life's changes and my energy to tackle the day; each evening I relax, heal and nurture myself for another day...every day growing a little bit; every day changing.