muddling

On the self-proclaimed, "we think and we plan, but we don't do" side of my office, the best word I can come up with to describe the thinking and planning process is ...

...muddling...

but, I look up the definition of muddling in Merriam Webster and it gives no credit to those who muddle:

transitive verb 1 : to make turbid or muddy 2 : to befog or stupefy especially with liquor 3 : to mix confusedly 4 : to make a mess of : bungle

To those of us who cook -- we sometime muddle spices -- muddling does have its benefits.

The thing is what we do; what we do best; what brings us joy...is essentially important.

Muddling is a beautiful part of that.

The Function of Dream Sleep

For the first time since I can remember, I've been having vivid dreams. They've been all over the place...easy, hard, realistic, surreal...not particularly comprehensible or anything I've been able to remember for more than a couple of minutes.

I recognize their return as a mark of healing achieved and the harbinger of inner peace as I learn to look into my new waking dream.

...better get out a good pen and my dream notebook...I've got some work to do.

The Four Agreements

"If it was about us, it would be different." ~ Jack/Zen, April 26, 2008

In a poignantly concise way, Jack/Zen summarizes the intent of Ruiz' Four Agreements. In honor of our shared yet independent healing, I repost the text of these below:

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

...if it was about us, it would indeed be different.

Milestone

A milestone of sorts...noted while traveling along the road between Columbus and Cincinnati.

My dear friend Jack often talks about the concept of "pain body" (in contrast to "joy body"). It is a concept that resonates deeply with me, particularly with the life and death of Michael. And as I was driving those frequently traveled miles, April 25th, on a gorgeous spring day, I noted it had been six months.

Six months since I released Michael finally from that pain body that eventually took his life. Six months since my mother, my uncle and I, along with Paul the funeral director, went to the crematory and watched the shell of Michael's former existence enter the furnace. Six months since the pain body was incinerated. Six months  and a day since his last birthday.

Yes, Michael was cremated on his birthday.

It was the last birthday gift I had the honor to give him.

Welcome

It has been a while since my last post. I've had alot of trouble figuring out a name; a theme; a title...and then last night I was listening to Cake while driving and heard the line "the ornaments are pretty, but they're pulling down the branches of the tree," and it struck a chord.

We live our lives superimposing our need for beauty and wealth over that for health.

My hope would be in this blog we can talk about life as it is and find our own paths to great joy.

Namaste