Healing Paradox

Now, a budding Reiki adept, I set my focus on healing.

I find that for me as the healing energy moves along the hara line, each chakra is agitated by the healing energy, producing (perhaps releasing) what probably is my worst possible behaviour for that place.
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February 2007

2nd chakra, splenic (sacral) chakra: governs instinct and gut feelings. Seat of vitality and many emotions.

2nd attunement, emotional body: stress, hysteria, frustration, anxiety, depression, confusion, frees emotional responses for sexual health, opens channels for greater creativity.

At that time, I put a chair through my office wall. It was for no reason, it was spontaneous and fortunately, it was just a leg through the drywall and the hole was no bigger than 3" in diameter, but I was emotional. I was angry. I was ashamed.
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Yesterday, I had a moment...a couple of hours...that seemed to be releasing through my Reiki master attunement.

Spiritual body: 3rd chakra, solar plexus: Promotes the ability to accept without the need for control. Personal power and ego issues. Connection to akashic records.

Relaxation, stress, clarity, centering, freedon of choice, release of frustration, release fears, release need to control or manipulate, promote self-confidence, stepping into your own power.

I behaved badly. I exercised my power to, potentially, the detriment of the beauty in my life. Fortunately, my love was so kind, warm, welcoming..."I don't want you to be alone in this," he said, regarding the most painful experience of my life (and honestly, a moment of skidding on emotional black ice).
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But, now I feel more like myself. More free, more honest, more grounded.

Perhaps that is all that it is: My power is in I AM. Healing allows the connections in my life to resonate with I AM. It allows me to humbly resonate with I AM.

I think I am becoming. I believe I am healing.

I don't know what's next...that IS okay.