We Have Responsibility

we are to care for one another

we are to have empathy

there is nothing else

What Language?

Life is about living; about freedom; about community; about honesty.

When I look at the possibilities facing us this fall, I ask myself: What language...which country?

Brazil

Argentina

Spain

France

What language would open doors of living in the land? What language would support a life that is filled with small beautiful acts of self-sustaining community? What language brings family with life, with mountains and the sea.

I no longer wish for vast platitudes, but, instead for close warmth.

Pachysandra/Stachybotrys/Pachysandra

grows in shade and relatively tough/

grows in dark wet spaces and may be dangerous/

becomes invasive and leads to confusion; to rumor and rumination/

...like this

(I got to thinking about how similar those words are while watering a few days ago. One a groundcover, one the infamous "black mold." Yeah, I probably spent too much time in 95 degree heat after a zero water summer watering shrubs).


I didn't think when I moved to Columbus I'd moved to the desert.

Kitty Bop

In these cool late summer days, I wake up early. Greeted by a foursome of playful creatures, I am reminded each morning that my presence matters; that my being present is all that matters.

No need to consider anything else, they bring me quickly to what is now.

Sunday Musings

Today is strange and typical at the same time. It's mostly like the past week, except that my sense of humor about it is miraculously restored. There were times when at my job, the lyric from the Talking Heads' Slippery People ran through my consciousness..."God help us, help us lose our minds..."

Friday night I began fielding calls/emails from Michael's family wanting...of course...money. I haven't ever heard a peep from them since he died except, twice now, to insist on me giving them money. The sense of entitlement is...well...vulgar. More slippery people.

But on the fun side, I'm planting and fertilizing my garden. I also developed a new recipe for a fun cool summer rice.

So, here you go, the description of the summer rice.

Jasmine rice, cooked with a pinch of saffron. Minced shallot and garlic; summer fruit (I used strawberries and mango), cilantro, a bit of raddichio, chopped cashews. A light sauce of tahini, mirin, rice wine vinegar, a splash of sesame oil, lemon juice, lemon zest. If you like it a bit richer, add a some yogurt or mayo. Grey salt (or sea salt); black pepper.

For lunch, I added seared shrimp with garlic and jalepeno but you could also sear tofu the same way for a hearty meal.

In Memoriam

19 years ago today, Kathy Lynn Alley was shot by an intruder in her home. Mortally wounded, Ms. Alley was able to clearly and unambiguously identify her shooter before dieing on the operating table an hour later.

I feel like I know her. I feel like I know the soul that inhabited her body.

10 months ago yesterday, my husband, her fiancee, died as a result a lengthy battle with PTSD and depression. He, who suffered decades of emotional and physical abuse from his parents and then this violent triggering event, never had a chance to experience life as many of the rest of us do.

I often feel like I never knew him...the soul that walked in that body through that life.

Today, I would want my paradoxical knowing and unknowing to somehow find their combined voice. As I light this yartzeit candle for a woman I never met, I reflect on how she has impacted my life...decades later.

My wish for myself:

That I know the strength of my soul; in the knowing and in the not knowing. That I tell the story of how we are all connected; how we are all responsible for one another...in this life.

I know my soul. Today it begins its walk for the lives that could not be.

The Berber has Eyes

Eight of them...All looking at me right now.

Some days I feel completely spent. Today is one of them. Noting yesterday's run -- no, that isn't it. I don't know what it is, but it seems like I've been this way for my entire conscious life. I'm a woman who needs rest and quiet. Not at the end of the day, but at the beginning of the day. At the beginning of this day.

So, I'm here on my king-sized platform bed listening to AnteMeridian on www.wcbe.org and I look up noticing Orange, Pauli, Higgs and Jae all in the circumference of this room...watching me. Do they sense my need for rest? Do they wonder if I am I alright? Do they have the capacity to consider their losses this year (Goldie, Poppy and, of course, Michael) and project my apparent listlessness into the future?

I don't think so. I think they're just watching so they don't miss any action.

I like to think that I'm resting so that I don't miss any action. I certainly can't project any of my experience into the future. I can just exist in what is now. I do believe that finding stillness in now is essential to my wellness.

...and the plush Berber (it's 30% vegetable oil) is almost as comfy a place to prepare for what's next as this bed.